my petition

People try to hard.
folks try to hard to be happy.

I have found fulfillment in pursuing my purpose.  When I follow my search for meaning the fulfillment is more sustaining than happiness which is fleeting.

This article is great to think with and against
http://www.theatlantic.com/health/archive/2013/01/theres-more-to-life-than-being-happy/266805/?utm_source=atlfb


at the end of the day I simply have a petition.  to at this point of my life, not die, but the other part is best articulated by Jill Scott who says beautifully the interconnection of race, politics, patriotism, ecology, gender, relationships, safety, and romantic accountability.  ONE song can contain all of that.  that's so boss and so in my own thoughts that I move through life with one petition that covers many things.





"My Petition"

You say you mean good for me
But you don't do it
You say you have a plan but you just don't go thru with it
You say you know the way to go
And I should follow
But all of your empty promises
Leave me hollow

And oh
How do I trust you
How do I love you
When you
Lie to me repeatedly
And oh
How do I have faith, in you
When you just don't come thru
Like you say you could

Oh, say can you see [2x]

You say that I'm wrong for
Stating my opinion to you
You say that I'm wrong and there'll be quiet consequences too
But I know my rights babe
There'll be no law abridging
The freedom of my speech
Or the right for me to petition for a remedy of grievances

And I want to trust you
I want to love yeah
But you lie to me repeatedly
And oh I want to have faith in you
But you just don't come thru
Like you said you could
Oh say can you see
Hmmm

I want fresh fruit, clean water,
Air that I don't see
I want the feeling of being safe on my streets
I want my children to be smarter than me
I want, I want to feel
I want to feel, I want to feel free
For real ya'll
I'm just telling you so you know
I want to, I want to have faith in you
I really do but you keep lying to me
It hurts
I believe, I believe you owe it me
Give it to me like you said you would
Hmmm
Oh say can you see
Hmmm
Oh say can you see
Oohh say can you see
Hmmm
By the dawn's early light

Thursday rehab are the hardest days

after I just am sotired from the week and my body is just so broken I want to sleep.

most folks seemed to be energized after working out, I just want a freakin nap.

#norestfortheweary

First round of Cardiac Rehab under belt reflection

I finished my first round of 36 sessions of cardiac rehab, Beth is right.   I may not be where I want to be but I have come a long way so far.

I still am over doctors.  I feel with my MRI coming up this week, I am at a loss of where I am.  I am going through the motions if recovering wellness and there isnt a rubric.

Loving yourself is hard sometimes when you esp. dont recognize the current self.

breathe through it.

and remember you are more than your reflection

"Be not discouraged black women of the world, but push forward, regardless of the lack of appreciation shown you." Amy Garvey 1925

I have found that most the time you will not get recognized for the work you do or the love you give to the world.  but what I do know is that some times, quietly there are folks along the way who say thank you in the way that you need to hear it.  That you get a glimpse of glory. the opportunity to hear the quiet in a storm that reminds you, you are doing the right thing.  encouragement comes, you have to be in the mental headspace to hear it and/or see it.  #blessed

What is strength if you have never been weak?

preparing for rehab this morning was hard because my energy level was so low.
People who know me know i basically create energy.
I basically divide cells into themselves
I literally turn hydrogen into helium


but now its like a black hole, that somehow I had used all this energy and it turned in on itself.
(perhaps my friend chris the astrophysicist would give me hope and tell me all my energy is cold dark matter now, ha)

but for real.

I DONT REGRET.  I been asked do I regret not being more selfish.

I say I would regret not being fully who I am.
so I will take days that I have low energy.  Fake some of it.

am i too tired to enjoy life ?

Life is a test.  Life is a trust.

Many times whenyou are a soldier, activist, like me, you sacrifice and give up aspects of Life that others live and take for granted.  pushing another meeting in, in order to meet with another person in order to have the opportunity to help others.

people say that oh, you should not do all that and self care, help yourself.


I know in the end, there is just the end.  no person is gonna light a candle for me.
Anna Julia Cooper said in 1890, in her book a voice from the south, when and where i enter, my whole race enters with me...
she understood that if she made space, its space for all people.

im not one to sit on my talents.  If I am having a good day,  I will exhaust it with the excellence that is in me.

That means by end of day, my body is beaten, swollen (literally) and it hurts to do little things.
but I rather be in pain when I had done my best, then in pain and I sat on my talents.

Womens Master Class questions. I felt some of these are reflective for anyone. think it through

Questions for Dr. Patricia Cunningham

1. How would you describe Patricia Cunningham the undergraduate? Who was

she as a student/person?

2. What is your reason for supporting and educating women in the OSU

community?

3. Tell us about your women’s leadership course. How does this course help to

bridge the gap in women’s leadership that we see in today’s society?

4. Can you name a time in your life where you felt you had to be strong for

everyone but no one was strong for you?

5. What advice would you give your 20-year- old self?

6. What are some tips you would give women about asking for help?

7. Why can being the “strong” one all the time be inauthentic and unhealthy?

8. In your opinion, do you think it is selfish to put yourself first?

9. Can you name a time in your life when you had to practice self-care?

10. What inspires you to help others?

11. What collegiate advice would you give women in regards to being healthy

emotionally and mentally?