I was so sick today.
For me to cancel meetings and not get out of bed is a first for me since coming back to work,
VOmiting for two hours in the early morning is NOT idea. esp. when you have not been eating. it was awful
the chills
the spills
and now feeling even more behind
but i listened to my body and that is better than I have done
then I attended two evening meetings in pajamas. whatever. it was that or dont go.
Thursday, October 20, 2016
Wednesday, October 19, 2016
the bane of my existence is this harness, but its part of keeping me alive
Sunday, October 16, 2016
measuring and assessing
Friday my PT was measuring my gains in the past 3 months. With Legs I have made great gains and I was pleased despite the abuse of the disease on my body.
ARMS and upper body. basically no gain.
I still cant lift much weight. my muscles are still gone. there is no way I can lift myself from the ground. I am a FALL RISK. like im 80 years old. no there are 80 year olds in better shape.
sigh.
keep working. keep grinding.
ARMS and upper body. basically no gain.
I still cant lift much weight. my muscles are still gone. there is no way I can lift myself from the ground. I am a FALL RISK. like im 80 years old. no there are 80 year olds in better shape.
sigh.
keep working. keep grinding.
Medicine is a practice. You are the Master of your own body
TED talk on medically knowing your own body
this ted talk is great to think with and against
Doctors are not the experts of your body
it is scary, but take control.
this ted talk is great to think with and against
Doctors are not the experts of your body
it is scary, but take control.
People dont believe HOW sick you are
great conversation with my friend Alfred after a board meeting. people still having no clue how sick I am or that just bc I live a life where I dont want to be viewed as dead, that i am somehow OK.
well, I am not ok.
It is a struggle everyday.
depends on the day, depends how I respond to your dumb ass answer.
dont you see I am wearing this robot still?
or this cane?
Why do you think I look so great in this dress for? cause I have a smaller body? bitch I almost died/did die.
lets stop assuming that the skinnier body is healthy. I keep pushing against this and getting no where, sometimes even with medical professionals.
is the fashion on point outside wearing these shoes cause I cant stand to fit any others, sure. but dont think this cane and robot mean I am well.
well, I am not ok.
It is a struggle everyday.
depends on the day, depends how I respond to your dumb ass answer.
dont you see I am wearing this robot still?
or this cane?
Why do you think I look so great in this dress for? cause I have a smaller body? bitch I almost died/did die.
lets stop assuming that the skinnier body is healthy. I keep pushing against this and getting no where, sometimes even with medical professionals.
is the fashion on point outside wearing these shoes cause I cant stand to fit any others, sure. but dont think this cane and robot mean I am well.
Poverty Class on a Sunday
Part of Recovery is choosing relationships everyday over stuff like how I feel. DID I FEEL like going to the womens soccer game and prepping food for students etc, NO.
but the sacrifice and gains for supporting these women was worth the extensive exhaustion I now feel.
but the sacrifice and gains for supporting these women was worth the extensive exhaustion I now feel.
more than I can say (or do) when you dont know
I have talked to several people this week, who were like, I wanted to reach out, but felt bad that time had passed... or they didn't know what to say...
Let me spend some time and thought here. not for me per se. but if I were a friend to someone like me what that would that look like...
1. Acquaintance. you know that person. follow them on snapchat. but dont hang out. I feel like a text, email or totally fine in reaching out. lets not over state the relationship.
2. If I am a work colleague of yours but we dont hang out outside of work, I would probably get folks together to give the sick person something they needed. which if you are sick, is prob money, food, or an actual thing.
3. If the person sick is a fam member, showing up and asking should be done. period. even if you are estranged. if they aint about the right, dont make time for that ish, will make you prob sicker
4. If it is a romantic partner, you should be able to articulate the needs from one another, and if a sickness breaks your relationship, then they were not worth it. you should not have to always ASK. I know for some that just as exhaustive as being sick.
5. Urban fam generally will ask you what you need and will be on top of it.
6. at the end of the day sick folks got to suck up the pride and just ask for what we need.. it is hard, but literally, you only live once
Let me spend some time and thought here. not for me per se. but if I were a friend to someone like me what that would that look like...
1. Acquaintance. you know that person. follow them on snapchat. but dont hang out. I feel like a text, email or totally fine in reaching out. lets not over state the relationship.
2. If I am a work colleague of yours but we dont hang out outside of work, I would probably get folks together to give the sick person something they needed. which if you are sick, is prob money, food, or an actual thing.
3. If the person sick is a fam member, showing up and asking should be done. period. even if you are estranged. if they aint about the right, dont make time for that ish, will make you prob sicker
4. If it is a romantic partner, you should be able to articulate the needs from one another, and if a sickness breaks your relationship, then they were not worth it. you should not have to always ASK. I know for some that just as exhaustive as being sick.
5. Urban fam generally will ask you what you need and will be on top of it.
6. at the end of the day sick folks got to suck up the pride and just ask for what we need.. it is hard, but literally, you only live once
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