Long story short, I had 12 life saving procedures performed to aid in keeping me here. A week later I am still mentally and spiritually catching up to the fact that:
-I was on life support
-Intubated
-liver was shocked
-water in lungs
-water in heart
heart function at 9 percent
-bc of function of heart, blood pressure was out of the park high
-inflammed/enlarged heart
along with some other things.
So after a night where I was well watched and prayed for, I survived, and know I should not have. So I am grateful!
How did I get here?
Still working on that, this is what is most important, That I treat the symptoms, get my heart and body healthy and spend the next four months hitting those milestones.
The specialists are fighting over me, calling me a medical marvel. That is cute. Let's play nice in the sandbox.
Two ways we are looking at this is a long term undiagnosed auto immune disorder that we are treating alongside the fall out from my heart getting all the way beat up. Its narrowed to two. I do present one of them and I have decided to treat that one.
The next 4-6 months is full of treatment and specialists but Do not expect me to be down and out. I have of course help to design a plan that allows me to roll in to work life balance while protecting and taking care of my body. I have to wear for the next three months this external defribulator just as a caution, so you will note my transformer/flaming lips yoshimi robot device I have to wear.
You will notice my cane, that I asked for so I have my independence to feel safe getting around. I am not a wheelchair girl. I have self advocated for PT/OT so I regain on a plan my physical strength to throw humans like I used to.
You will notice weight loss. I dont have any food restrictions and I have been encouraged to drink ensure. yuck no. I will just work on eating more, thanks. I believe the world has enough body dysmorphia, this is something I hate discussing bc I felt stronger as a big girl than this body that has failed me. So, on this point, let me be clear, dont roll up and be like you look good bc I have less weight, this dying form of me failed me, Bigger Patty slayed in hockey. As my body heals from the release of fluid and inflammation, my body will continue to get smaller, which is why I need the PT so I feel like I can gain all the POWER back. this is my thing, yall can think what you want, but if you really knew me, you would know body strong is my thing and not aesthetic.
Praise the Lord that my money maker is my brain:
Yes, I will be working, I am scaling back the next three weeks but I AM NOT DEAD. so yes I will rest and work from home but the work I do is important and is important to me and is part of my testimony. YES, I am going to honor my body, but DONT ever come for how affective my brain is. I am moving the work forward regardless.
What I know for sure/ Oprah moment:
I have written about and lectured about the importance of having an urban family, the family you pick for yourself. I have the best in the world. Thanks to my homies who saw me at my worst, forced me to let go of the stubbornness and pride to listen to my body and be here. You cant survive if you are not open to the rescue.
Vaginas:
Most folks who know me know I performed in the vagina monologues for six years. I NEVER have had a hospital stay before. boyyyyyyy. there is no modesty. they show all your business. they shaved my vagina. everyone got to have a peak. residents. interns. attendings. they gave no fucks. some of my procedures went thru my groin. Thank you for life, butttt wow wee. I know I will work through my mental health in this healing process, but also the PTSD from just my vagina being on display. oh and the restraints after being on life support.
Thanks for reading.
Thanks for prayers and warm thoughts.
Until our paths cross again,
Patty Jr
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